The decision to cut ties with a religious community often requires a renegotiation of relationships with family and friends 鈥� not to mention the monumental task of rebuilding your relationship to your own body, sexuality and core beliefs.
Host Anita Rao speaks with two guests who left the religious communities in which they were raised. , author of the memoir 鈥淐onfessions of a Latter-day Virgin,鈥� speaks with Rao about Mormonism鈥檚 law of chastity and the crisis of faith that ultimately led her to resign from the Mormon church. , who holds a doctorate in education and educational justice and is the creator, executive producer and co-host of the 鈥淏lack Fat Femme Podcast,鈥� speaks with Rao about their experience of growing up as a queer Jehovah鈥檚 Witness and the surveillance that ultimately pushed them to leave that community.
Thank you to Stacie, Taylor and Rachel for contributing their stories and perspectives to this episode.
Four Ways to Support a Friend Who鈥檚 Left Their Religious Community
1 - Educate yourself. If you haven鈥檛 done so already, it may be helpful to familiarize yourself with the vocabulary and central beliefs of your friend鈥檚 former religion. Reading or watching media by and about folks who鈥檝e left their religious communities might also help you develop a deeper understanding of what your friend is going through.
2 - Follow their lead. It might take time for your friend to find the words to describe their experience, and they may have difficulty applying labels like 鈥渋ndoctrination鈥� or 鈥渞eligious trauma.鈥� Let them take the lead when it comes to labeling their experience 鈥� and keep in mind that the language they use to talk about it is likely to evolve over time.
3 - Make space for grief. Your friend will likely need time to mourn the belief system, values and community they left behind. Keep in mind that they will likely have mixed and complicated feelings about their former community ... even if they鈥檙e ultimately relieved to have left it.
4 - Affirm their autonomy. Especially if their former religion involved a lot of rules and restrictions, your friend might want to experiment with activities and forms of expression that were previously off-limits, including gender expression and sexuality. You can reaffirm their right to explore their identity while also encouraging them to prioritize things like safety, boundaries and consent.
Please note: This episode originally aired August 26, 2022.
